Econs paper today. Almost overslept cause I kept thinking about her, about us the whole night and couldn't sleep..not till in the morning around 6+. =\ I seriously think..I should kill myself. She's been running through and through my head throughout my whole exam paper. I even got the graphs wrongly though I swear I did study for the graphs. =\ Other things that I glanced through, some how I was able to answer. =\ And those are like the easier questions. Arghz..I think I'm gonna fail all 3 modules this sem..which is like FUCK.
After exam, I prayed I would see her, though deep down inside I know I wouldn't..and yes I was right. I didn't see her at all.. *sighz* Its all but just empty promises again, took train back with Carolyn and Lynette. Then was telling them that I feel like breaking up..I seriously feel very hard being attached. *sigh* Its taking my concentration away from my studies. Perhaps I shouldn't even have started out in the first place. =\ Finally I put down my mind and sent her a sms that I wana break up. I had enough of empty promises and hopes getting dashed over and over again. She called and we talked for more than 2hours. Almost 3 in fact. After a long talk, everything seems okie..and we started to do our own things. Then it came...
I asked for a final time if she wana meet up with me today she said no cause her cousin's going over to her place. Fine then. Then she called and told me she's going out with her cousin to the mac opposite her house to accompany her cousin for dinner..so fine. But dinner at mac from 9+ 10 till almost 1 she's not home? Being the suspicious me, I called instead of sms, and she sounded surprised. After asking, she said she's at punggol park. Like what the hell was she doing there? Meeting up with some other girls when she couldn't meet me? Fuck. Said she'll call me back when she's home. I couldn't take it anymore. That's final. I hang up the call and sent her a message asking for a break up. I seriously can't take it anymore. I can't seem to trust her words anymore. Feeling upset, I changed and went out of the house for a night walk. Called wifey and talked to her on the phone..her reasoning was the same as mine. Seriously we both don't feel like we're attached and we're seriously being neglected. I hate it!
I cried..but do you even realise how much you've hurt me? How much you've neglected me? She sent a message saying she'll call me when she reached home and she's already on her way home. If I'm really that important..why can't she call me immediately or even on her way back home? *sigh* I don't know..I really don't. Talking to wifey half way, she called..so I hanged up with wifey. I was feeding mosquitoes while talking to her on the phone the whole time with my sore eyes and tears running down my cheeks. *sheesh* I feel darn pathetic. She asked me not to leave her, explained everything to me and even promised to accompany me after she quits her job on the 20th. Somehow, my heart soften. I told myself to give her yet another chance, wait for the 20th before deciding again..and if she still treats me the same, I'm serious about it. I don't need anymore empty promises. I don't want anymore heart breaks.