After stoning for 2hours plus, I'm finally gonna start typing and blog. Caution: Extra lengthy entry with much complaints. If you find it too boring/mushy please change a blog to read. Kindly tag before leaving. I hope you'll see this. Then again, maybe not. I don't wish things to turn for the worse. Hereby...entry for the week...

Moodless. Lost. Confuse. Upset. Depression. Angry. Jealous. Helpless. Tears. Blood. Heartaches. Sleepless nights. Thanks to the above, havent been updating my blog for days again. Nothing special. I'm always like this. No longer a happy little girl that I used to be. Not at least weeks ago. *sighz* Monday, went bugis with Jor, arcaded. Won her, but so? I lost someone that mean so much that very night. Sleepless moday night. I'm having Monday blues. I hate Mondays. *cries*

Tuesday, woke up so early despite sleeping only for 3hours. Went to have dim sum brunch with my mom, sis, aunts and younger cousins. Mood was real bad. =( Didn't really eat much. *sighz* That's so unlike me especially for dim sum. Then we went walking around bugis(again) then had dessert. I'm already exploding. Havent been having the best of appettite in weeks. *shrugs* After that took a bus down chinatown. Wanted to go k box. But somehow, so bo hua. So darn ex. Cause I know I won't sing. At least not in front of my this bunch of cousins. My sis lost her voice and my aunts not interested. So end up go there for nothing. Then quarrelled with my mom. Got so fed up. I already lost someone I like le. Sad enough. And then my mom wana pick a fight with me. Just screamed back at her. Almost broke down there. Felt just like running away straight to somewhere where I'll be all alone. But somehow my aunt managed to calm me down. *sighz* Then after much quarreling, wasted so much time, we took a bus down town. Went Cine walked around then went Hereen for Sakae dinner. Compared to the usual Sakae buffet I always have with friends. I ate like nothing. *shrugs* There's seriously something wrong with me. Then after dinner, walked half way, my 2 younger cousins got lost. *Sighz* So we went playing hide and seek. Looking for my cousins high and low in Hereen. Was talking to Jor on the phone the whole time while looking for them. A whole 30mins. Then after that, we went home. I'm still getting ignored. Maybe he's still angry. I don't know. I don't wish to know. I just wana lose him. Dim Sum brunch - $133, Sakae dinner - $197. =S Like WTF? $300+ just for lunch and dinner in a day. I don't mind spending that amount in a day if its with that special someone. =x

Wednesday. Still no reply from him. Still getting ignored. Still feeling upset. I destroyed everything in just a fit of my anger. I'm always the stupid one. *sighz* Jor skipped school. Asked me out to bugis with her. Thanks but no thanks. I got no mood for anything. Nothing at all. Not even maple. Stayed home to just purely rot. Thinking back and reflecting on what I've done. Sometimes I wonder. Why I'm even here for. Would it even made a difference to you if I'm gone? I doubt so when I wasn't even there in yours in the first place. I need to learn to hold back my temper. I need to change my habit of kping. I need to learn not to love. I need to learn not to scold/wack the person I like to prevent myself from scaring them away. *cries* I'm useless like what my mom loves to tell me. I should just be gone...for good. To somewhere where I'll be all alone. To lead life anew. If I were to ever leave, I guess I'll leave a note/will behind to make sure I'll have no regrets. I wana ask for forgiveness from you. But you never do wish to reply my sms, how do I know what you feel and what happened? Why can't I just turn back time? He came on. First thing I saw was "DEAR!!!!!!" *stonned* I dropped my jaw, mouse and it was so silent you could hear the pin drop on the floor. Heart broke into pieces *piang* I can't fix the pieces. He's got a gf now. I'm helpless, lost, upset. I don't know what to do, what to say. No mood to maple yet I promised to maple with Jor till morning. *Sighz* I'm going insane. Crying behind the com, but will you ever know?

Thursday. Hari Raya. Selamat Hari Raya? Nehz. Didn't had a 'selamat' day. Alene called. Woke me up early morning to accompany her to Sentosa. I'm tired. But I can't sleep too, might as well. So just woke up, went wash up, bathe then went out to meet her. Reached and saw Nick too. =S They broke. *sighz* Collected her islander card and left Sentosa. On the way in, I think I saw Calvin walking out of Sentosa with Sham? =S I'm very sure I saw Calvin. *sighz* Been so long... >.<>

After that, took a random bus and landed up at...BUGIS. zZz. 3rd time this week. Idert Ber smsed while in the bus. Tried pulling him out to entertain me + let me vent my fastrations, but to no avail. =S Then slacked at starbucks and smoke while waiting for Jor, Pris and Jan's arrival. *sighz* Fark it. I quit smoking le. But each time I'm too stressed or upset, I turn back to it. FARK! I wana kill myself. =( Jor came, Nick left. =S Then 3 of us went down to the arcade for me to vent my anger on the machine. Won Jor, so? I feel so sucky. The Pris and Jan came. I was still gaming. All waiting for me. =S Finished the game, went TCC for Jan & Pris's dinner. Then went for pool. Left shortly after with Jor to Toa Payoh to find her aunt. We had pasta mania with her aunt for late dinner. *sighz* Couldn't finish but had to force everything down. There's no one to finish my food for me unlike the past. =( I miss having someone there for me. *sighz* Went KFC to buy her bro's supper then went mac to slack while I smoke and talk. Memories are flooding my mind. Its gonna be another lonesome sleepless night. Came home and maple as agreed earlier. I'm starting to hate maple. Don't ask me why. Perhaps only certain people know the reason why. The reason why I keep turning back to maple too despite saying I wana quit all the time. I'm jealous. I'm angry over myself. I destroyed my own happiness that I could actually had. I miss you asking and bugging me to maple with you. I miss leveling my char with you. I miss the cold lame jokes we tell each other. I miss the way you pamper me. I miss you. And I supposed that the most important thing that I want you to know. The thing that I wana tell you most. But I supposed all these doesn't matter anymore since you're attached now. I rather see you happy with someone else than unhappy with me.

Friday. Just another day. Couldn't sleep well again. Woke up, washed up and faced my com. Then I remembered that I had to collect my pass for my school attachment. Talked to Jor and Cat on msn for awhile then left my house. Alone in the bus aint the best thing to do. I think too much. >.<>.<>